“Off The Record” Archive

  • “When we get to heaven, God's going to tell us, 'STOP ALLITERATING!!!'”

    — John Stonestreet
  • “I was a turtle, now I'm an airplane.”

    — Rev. Sam Spatola on the new nature of man
  • “Shopping! There’s nothing inherently good about shopping.”

    — Dr. Drew Randle, on relationships
  • “I think I need another of those dog biscuits to keep me going.”

    — Senior Jeremiah Nasiatka
  • “What's in this, and is it healthy.”

    — Freshman Billy Findley, while eating a dog treat
  • “My poetic muse is lying drunk in a ditch somewhere.”

    — Junior Aimee Crotts
  • “We like having friends who have pretty sisters.”

    — Dr. Legg
  • “You should attempt to attain male qualities to attract women instead of female qualities to scare off men.”

    — Freshman Matt Kear regarding freshman Tim Baldi's "Bambi eyes"
  • “I would make a good house wife if i were a woman.”

    — Senior Evan Wiley on his cooking skills
  • “Ooooh, I look like Goldilocks.”

    — Sophomore Nathan Bailey after straightening his hair
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