Written by Henry Chesebro
Are you sick and tired of fast, reliable internet, its efficiency helping you to rush to get everything done? Do your papers load so quickly, you’ll just have to do them right then and there with no excuses? Well, Bryan College has the solution: Bry-fi! This revolutionary wi-fi service from Bryan College takes a surprisingly long time to load and connects and disconnects without warning!
With Bry-fi, you’ll no longer have to deal with the sickening pressures of high speed, overly reliable internet. The process is simple; install Bry-fi, try to get into the internet, and you’ll find yourself playing the no internet T-Rex game for a half hour without a worry on your mind! Not only does it calm stress by slowing down your productivity on online homework, it also gives you a new excuse for late homework. “It’s the Bry-fi’s fault,” is all students have to say.
Of course, outside of that, there are many more benefits to Bry-fi that those at Bryan College have described:
“It helps you to work on the skill of patience,” said Bryan student Ellie Tremblay-Garrant when asked about its benefits.
When interviewed on the subject, Daniel Cox described a very special benefit of using Br-fi: “It keeps me off of Fortnite more.”
Several more students commented on how the Bry-fi has helped with patience, a virtue that many college students don’t have much of these days (just think about the last time students whined about waiting for the cafeteria to open up on weekends).
When asked about the Bry-fi, head of the English department, Dr. Daniel Gleason, said he doesn’t even use Bry-fi. “Slow internet? Give me no internet!” Dr. Gleason said.
It slows productivity, lowering stress. It teaches you patience. It gets you very highly skilled with the no internet T-Rex game. It’s a new excuse for overdue assignments. It keeps you off the computer for hours on end! What more could you ask for?
After all, high speed internet could lead to more job opportunities. Who needs those? You can just run into the jungle and live with the monkeys. You don’t need society anymore! Use Bry-fi!
(Bry-fi’s symptoms may include increased annoyance with your device and serious addiction to the no internet T-Rex game).
Henry Chesebro is a Creative Writing Major originally from Colorado. In his free time, he spends time with friends, reads, draws, and writes fiction.
