Andrew Wilber
Multimedia Editor
About midnight on Friday, Sept. 2, a group of Bryan students including junior Milton Bell, sophomore Matt Bell, two other juniors and a sophomore were driving around campus in Matt Bell’s SUV on “make-out patrol,” an activity in which students with flashlights drive around looking for couples alone and preach or shout the gospel at them. When another vehicle, a gold van, with two men in clown masks appeared on the scene, the moral vigilantes got more than they had bargained for.
“We had seen the vehicle once and thought it was just another kid doing what we were doing,” said Matt Bell who was driving his SUV with the make-out patrollers inside.
I didn’t have a flashlight, so I was just kind of looking over when the van pulled alongside and [I] looked at one of the clowns riding shotgun––just this big old guy––probably 300 pounds wearing a mask,” he said. “I guess you could say I was kind of talking crap to them saying ‘Hey girl, looking good tonight!’ just kind of poking fun at them…. and I could tell that if he wasn’t wearing that mask he wouldn’t be keeping a straight face… he was just laughing and looking at his friend who was driving.”
The students on make-out patrol, who were parked next to the baseball field at this point, still assumed that the two clowns in the van were doing the same thing that they were––that is enforcing the Student Life Handbook’s PDA rules as a recreational activity––and decided to pull away to let them continue, even pointing out another group of students on the baseball field who they thought might be potential targets for make-out patrol. When Matt Bell attempted to back his vehicle up though, the van backed up with them. The clown in the front passenger seat then reached out the window and popped open the handle of the vans sliding door from the outside.
“He was like, ‘You guys gotta get a load of this,’” said Matt Bell.
The door slid open revealing an obese woman who was “messing with her top,” said Matt Bell. “I was just like, okay ‘I’m gonna get away’ and started shifting gears. Unfortunately for all the people who were looking to the right down toward the baseball field, they get done looking that way, and they just get smacked with this image right as they turn and look,” he said.
“And before we know it, out she whips the ——,” said Milton Bell, who was also in the make-out patrol vehicle.
When the students finally managed to escape, they immediately called the police.
“It wasn’t until we got on the phone with the police and were describing the… event… that we realized just how ridiculous the story sounded,” said Milton Bell.
Assistant Dean of Community Life Tim Shetter was also notified.
The other students in the make-out patrol vehicle confirmed that they were there, but had no comment on the incident for Triangle.