Editorial: Clowns on patrol

9 years ago Triangle 0

Shane Vicry
Triangle Reporter

Once or twice a semester, a typical college campus can’t help but be graced by some sort of incident that has everyone talking. You know, some crazy story, usually stemming from a wild party involving a few irresponsible students getting themselves into a ridiculous and extraordinary situation, while thankfully seeing someone live to tell the tale. Well, every so often, the universe aligns just right, and the quiet Bryan hilltop, if only for a night, has the remarkable privilege of a crossover existence in to the real world. Friday, Sept. 2 was one of those nights.

While reading “Friday Night Circus,” I hope that the full scope of the story wasn’t lost on you, that you felt the winds of poetic justice sweeping in with full force. But just to help you along, I’ve been champing at the bit to throw my two cents into the discussion.

“Make-out patrol” – It sounds like an episode title from one of the latest primetime clunkers the ABC Family network is no doubt debuting in their new fall lineup. And yet sadly enough they could have cast and filmed their preteen drama right here on Bryan Campus had they been so inclined.

We’ve heard the cries. Again and again, the student body is calling out for Bryan to treat them like adults. We want later curfew; we want no curfew. We don’t want to be told how to dress or how to behave. Who thinks they have the right to force us to attend church?

I’m 24 years old; believe me, I hear you. But guess what, party people, there are those of you out there who are cutting our legs from under us when you continue to act like children.

We have the opportunity to keep ourselves in check with the current peer RA system, to show a little responsibility in monitoring ourselves. But all we seem to be hearing about lately are the squabbles and the pissing contests. To top it all off, we have involvement in something as juvenile as this. Where will somebody draw the line? Finally, on this fateful Friday night, the universe swung back on our behalf.

I can’t say that I have a full understanding of the concept of “make-out patrol,” but to my imagination it appears as something like this:

A group of young adults seeking out other exceedingly angsty and particularly deprived pairs of young adults in an attempt to hideout in nearby shrubbery in hopes that they may catch the pair about to engage in a display of affection so that they can appropriately reveal themselves while shouting something to the effect of “Turn or burn! Turn or burn!” Through this experience, the couple will learn the error of their ways and see the one true path of abstinence and Jesus Christ.

Yes, that seems completely sane and normal. Yet apparently, this has become acceptable social practice on our beloved Bryan hill. With no one around to set the scene straight, it would seem we were headed for the worst.

But as fate would have it, Dayton’s very own clowned rendition of the Boondock Saints arrived to magnificently intervene. And while I’m in no way condoning the manner in which they interceded, I have to think that God smiled a little bit when that van door opened wide. For I believe nothing has the power to deter foolishness quite like the full weight of the top half of a 300 lb clownette staring you right in the eyes.

Here’s my take: whether it’s God displaying His sense of humor or simply a stroke of dumb, crazy hillbilly luck, let’s let this reality-fable be a teaching tool for us all. Let’s act like we know how to treat each other with a little respect and decency. Who knows, maybe we’ll like what comes of it. And if we’re lucky, maybe, just maybe, we won’t have to meet the bearded lady.